I guess i do feel a bit more relaxed and better than i did yesterday after posting this but i do still feel kinda awkward
now i'm just thinking "why did i post this"
and hnn well to those who i haven't replied yet it's because i can't think of something to reply atm and i feel awkward giving short, vague replies to long comments D: idk, but at least just so you know i did read everything and it did make me feel better :
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I'm sorry but i have to do it
For some reason I haven't been feeling... okay... since yesterday... even thought it's not something that started yesterday but a feeling that always comes and passes by
It is not in any specific order... i think... it's going to be written as they come up
I hate:
> How i feel like i'm being so selfish/ an attention whore /self-centered person/ or whatever you may like to call it when ranting.
> How sometimes i'm pretend to be a Happy-go-lucky person
> My dad's attitude on everything
> How i feel like the grinch when it comes to relationships... meaning... quite a lot of things, i do feel happy when two people i know start dating but at the same time it makes me feel depressed and lonesome. idk.
> How i'm not able to talk about this to any of my irl friends and idk why, i'm not really antisocial
> How i can't talk or even type about how i feel atm without wanting to cry
> The fact that i actually listed everything up so i wouldn't forget anything that could still stay inside of my head
> How i want to be closer to my irl friends. I already am but why does it feel awkward... it always seems like they're all so close with each other except me, sometimes it makes me feel neglected or left out...
> How i'm a coward when talking
> How i may take things too seriously sometimes
> How i give bad first impressions (like with doing this)
> How i think i'm being a really superficial person
> And Narcissistic
> Maybe a jealous person too?
> How it's hard for me to think about more stuff to rant and shout out about so i can let everything out
> Making people think i'm a negative person
> How i may be contradicting myself in this, i am not sure
> How i find necessary to do this even if i think it's pointless to me but i have to do it anyways so i can let some gloom out
> How i'm not sure if this has to do with that time of the month because i can't remember when was the last time i felt like this or if i actually snapped... enough to do this kind of journal
> Being forgetfull
> How it's hard for me too look into people's eyes
> How i want some more attention from my friends... but attention as getting hugs and such... and that they listened to me more
> How saying that makes me sound and feel so selfish but there's no other way to describe it
> How much of a clingy and dependent person i seem now too
> How i keep wondering if i did something wrong in the past that makes me feel so distant from my friends
> How i'm concerned about what people will think of me after this kind of rant
> The fact that i'm even doing this in english and posting it here while i know that a better choice is talking it with one of my friends... but... with who?
> The fact i feel awkward... just awkward, because i'm pretty sure that's one of the best words so far that can describe how i feel... awkwardgloomy
> How i don't even know anymore
> How i'm starting to feel concerned
> How i'm wondering if i'll feel better
i'm sorry for this huge rant;; i guess it's because i usually don't do these kind of things
i'm really sorry
now i'm just thinking "why did i post this"
and hnn well to those who i haven't replied yet it's because i can't think of something to reply atm and i feel awkward giving short, vague replies to long comments D: idk, but at least just so you know i did read everything and it did make me feel better :
-----
I'm sorry but i have to do it
For some reason I haven't been feeling... okay... since yesterday... even thought it's not something that started yesterday but a feeling that always comes and passes by
It is not in any specific order... i think... it's going to be written as they come up
I hate:
> How i feel like i'm being so selfish/ an attention whore /self-centered person/ or whatever you may like to call it when ranting.
> How sometimes i'm pretend to be a Happy-go-lucky person
> My dad's attitude on everything
> How i feel like the grinch when it comes to relationships... meaning... quite a lot of things, i do feel happy when two people i know start dating but at the same time it makes me feel depressed and lonesome. idk.
> How i'm not able to talk about this to any of my irl friends and idk why, i'm not really antisocial
> How i can't talk or even type about how i feel atm without wanting to cry
> The fact that i actually listed everything up so i wouldn't forget anything that could still stay inside of my head
> How i want to be closer to my irl friends. I already am but why does it feel awkward... it always seems like they're all so close with each other except me, sometimes it makes me feel neglected or left out...
> How i'm a coward when talking
> How i may take things too seriously sometimes
> How i give bad first impressions (like with doing this)
> How i think i'm being a really superficial person
> And Narcissistic
> Maybe a jealous person too?
> How it's hard for me to think about more stuff to rant and shout out about so i can let everything out
> Making people think i'm a negative person
> How i may be contradicting myself in this, i am not sure
> How i find necessary to do this even if i think it's pointless to me but i have to do it anyways so i can let some gloom out
> How i'm not sure if this has to do with that time of the month because i can't remember when was the last time i felt like this or if i actually snapped... enough to do this kind of journal
> Being forgetfull
> How it's hard for me too look into people's eyes
> How i want some more attention from my friends... but attention as getting hugs and such... and that they listened to me more
> How saying that makes me sound and feel so selfish but there's no other way to describe it
> How much of a clingy and dependent person i seem now too
> How i keep wondering if i did something wrong in the past that makes me feel so distant from my friends
> How i'm concerned about what people will think of me after this kind of rant
> The fact that i'm even doing this in english and posting it here while i know that a better choice is talking it with one of my friends... but... with who?
> The fact i feel awkward... just awkward, because i'm pretty sure that's one of the best words so far that can describe how i feel... awkwardgloomy
> How i don't even know anymore
> How i'm starting to feel concerned
> How i'm wondering if i'll feel better
i'm sorry for this huge rant;; i guess it's because i usually don't do these kind of things
i'm really sorry
birthday gifts for NAM 
it's this one teehee... now i just gotta get a case for it
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